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Managing Toilet training and sleep with your toddler

Starting to dive into the world of toilet training with your toddler? Are you wondering how this will affect their sleep? Or maybe you’re wondering if day time toilet training means you have to ditch the diapers at nap and nighttime too. Toilet training can be a scary step but I created this blog post to help calm your worries and give you a clear plan of action for managing Toilet training and sleep without compromising either.

Daytime Toilet training vs. nighttime toilet training

Parents often believe that once they start daytime toilet training, that also means they must begin nighttime toilet training right away as well. Fortunately, that is just not true! Take a big sigh of relief and know that you can focus on just daytime toilet training for now. And actually, there’s no rush when it comes to nighttime toilet training.

From a sleep perspective, I typically discourage parents from focusing on daytime toilet training and nighttime toilet training at the same time. In my opinion, it’s just too much at once and the last thing we want while your toddler is adjusting to this big change is to have their sleep disrupted as well. Tired children who are thrown off their routines do not learn new skills as well as their well-rested counterparts.

From the beginning of toilet training, let your toddler know matter of factly that you’ll still use diapers or pull-ups for sleep time. You’ll still have them try to go toilet before nap and before bed but after that, get them dressed in their pull ups and pajamas and let them know it’s perfectly okay to use their diaper at sleep time. Chances are they can’t control their bladder during sleep time anyways, so you are setting them up for success by taking this pressure off!

How to know your child is ready for nighttime toilet training

Many children aren’t physically ready to stay dry all night until 3-5 years of age. From a biological standpoint, their hormone level, specifically ADH, has to reach high enough overnight to slow the production of urine. This is not something that you can control or that they can control. It’s just a matter of waiting.

As adults, our ADH levels rise overnight which is why we don’t need to use the bathroom as often overnight (if at all) as we do during the daytime. If you try to nighttime toilet train your toddler before their body hits this threshold, you will either be training them to get up multiple times a night to pee or you will be expecting them to hold it all night when they aren’t physically able to. With the first option, this can mean weeks and months of getting up at night (sometimes more than once) to take them to the bathroom. No thank you! With the second option, this can mean that they repeatedly have nighttime accidents and ultimately end up feeling bad for something that is entirely out of their control.

Instead of falling into these traps, I recommend that you wait until you see your child is waking up in the morning with a dry diaper or pull up night after night for several weeks in a row. This ensures that their body has slowed down urine production overnight and that they are capable of holding their bladder all night without issue. 

The biggest point I want to stress to you is that there is no rush to nighttime toilet train. I know outside voices and opinions can sneak their way in but block those out. There is nothing wrong with a 3 or 4 or even 5 year old still using pull ups overnight. And if they are still waking up wet in the morning then you are doing your child a great service by preserving their sleep until they are physically ready to stay dry overnight.

What to do when you think your child is ready for nighttime toilet training

When you’ve determined your child is ready for nighttime toilet training, it’s a good idea to start limiting liquids overnight. This is something that is relatively easy to try in order to encourage staying dry overnight. You may decide to offer a sip of water as part of the bedtime routine, but otherwise put the drinks away once dinner is over.

Also be sure to have your child’s bed prepped and ready for any accidents that might pop up. Have clean sheets ready and waiting in case they need to be quickly replaced overnight. Perhaps even have a waterproof mattress cover on the bed as well. 

If your child should have an overnight accident, don’t make a big deal about it. Be calm as you quickly help clean your child up, get them into dry pajamas, and replace the sheet. Try to keep the lights dim and as soon as you’ve cleaned them up, get them tucked back into bed. For pee accidents, I recommend we avoid an overnight bath or shower as that will be extremely stimulating. Instead, focus on cleaning up as you can with a wipe or washcloth but save the full bath for the next morning.

We also want to avoid waking your child in the night to take them toilet. If they need this extra step in order to stay dry then that really means they aren’t physically capable of staying dry overnight and it’s best to not be disruptive to their sleep.

Give them a few nights to try staying dry without their pull up. If it’s not going well, it’s always okay to go back to pull ups for a while again. 

Common sleep issues that pop up while daytime toilet training

Now, back to daytime toilet training. As you go through the process of daytime toilet training, it is completely normal for sleep to be temporarily disrupted. You may notice that your toddler has a harder time falling asleep at bedtime, is waking during the night, and even experiencing some naptime resistance. 

As with other temporary disruptions, I encourage you to stay consistent with your usual routines and sleep expectations. Don’t feel like you need to make a bunch of schedule tweaks or changes to your usual routine. Instead, focus on providing a calm, consistent, and clear presence for your child as they work through this new phase of life. Your responses and consistency will help the sleep disruptions pass quickly instead of turning into new sleep habits that you just have to tackle in the future.

Apart from the typical sleep disruptions that come with learning a new skill like toilet training, your toddler will also be at the age of testing. Testing is a beautiful thing that helps your toddler learn and understand the world. But as parents, it’s our job to lovingly hold our boundaries firm so our children can figure out their limits. 

When it comes to  toilet training and sleep, I recommend that you take 1 toilet trip as part of your naptime and bedtime routine. Then once that trip is over, the diaper or pull up goes on and no more toilet trips are offered until sleep time is over. It’s important to be ready for your child to declare “I have to go toilet!” as soon as you’ve tucked them in or left the room. This is frustrating but completely normal. In order to help them learn the new limits around toilet training, simply let them know that because it’s sleep time they can use their pull up if they need to go toilet. In the morning, when it’s wake up time, then you’ll take them toilet. 

It’s okay to say no to using the toilet when it’s naptime or bedtime. I know it feels counterintuitive to what you’re working on during the day, but it is necessary and will make sense as you pull back and look at the bigger picture of what your child is capable of and what they aren’t capable of.

Taking the pressure off and watching your words

The last piece of advice I have for you as you start to navigate the world of toilet training and sleep is to take the pressure off. Oftentimes we pile pressure on our children without even realizing it. Toilet training is often talked up as something that “big girls” or “big boys” do but what happens if you use that language and then your child is really struggling with toilet training? Will they feel shame about not being able to figure this out right away? Or when you do finally get to the point of removing the nighttime pull ups, if it turns out they aren’t ready, will they feel as if they’ve failed?

Rather than linking their identity to this new skill they are learning, instead just focus on praising the positives you see as they happen. Here are some common phrases parents may use that we can swap out in order to ease the pressure on our toddlers:

Instead of: “You’re such a big boy!”

Try: “I’m proud of you for keeping your underwear dry all day!”

Instead of: “No more diapers. Diapers are for babies!”

Try: “Let’s practice wearing underwear and using the toilet when we have to go.”

Instead of: “You’re ready for no more pull ups at night.”

Try: “You’ve been staying dry at night so let’s try a couple nights without your pull up and see how it goes. It’s okay if you’re not quite ready though.”

As a mum, I know how easy it can be to put undue pressure on not only your child but also yourself when toilet training. My hope is that this post helps ease your worries, gives you concrete ideas for managing toilet training, and empowers you to tackle this challenge head on!

Vanessa xo